Loosing Someone Special
I am thinking of loss today and how it has the ability to shake us like no other experience. Loss is heavy, frightening, and causes chaos to the equilibrium. In the midst of our earthly complacency and comforts, there will come times of spiritual fluctuation, experienced through loss.
I have a deep knowing of the spirit world and though I realize not all see things as I do, I’m certain this is worth a share. The unseen can be impossible to discuss, not easily relatable and people just get squirmy in their skepticism or limiting beliefs. Considering it all, I truly feel grateful to be tuned-in to spirit for the majority of my adult life. My Grandmother’s death was a strong validation in accepting my openness in this clairvoyant communication.
Life changed after she died. Though maybe not in the way you may think. Mimi, she raised me and was a mother to me. It’s been over 3 years now but in ways, and not exactly explainable, I feel much closer to her now that she's not bound to her body. When she was in the hospital incoherent (a brain injury) I knew she was ready to cross over. I knew in 2 ways. First I just ‘knew’ and second, she would visit me.
Mimi knew of my openness and other dimensional awareness. We had an understanding. She was very sweet and kind and had a bossy edge too, “I’m the boss applesauce” She’d say a lot, mainly just to be funny but we all knew she really was Boss. She was in charge of everyone around her. Or so it seemed.. as she tried really hard to keep everyone in line.
So of course she showed up… 2 times before passing and multiple times after.
It’s confusing when a loved one is on their death bed. For me, instead of wishing and praying she ‘was with it,’ or would pull though, I just used what energy I had to try and connect with her. It was very simple actually because all I said was "Get better or get worse, so we know what the hell to do, okay?" I’d talk out loud and silently quite a bit, pleading with her spirit.
As the days past she got significantly worse. But we didn’t listen. All of the family wouldn’t agree to ‘pull the cord’, and that was important to Papa to have everyone ready to let go. One night I’d finally fallen asleep, when the space heater in my room started flicking on and off, then the light as well. This had never happened in the history of me living and staying in this house I grew up in. I knew exactly what was going on. She was pissed and was talking to me. But I was scared, and sooo tired. I did not like the intrusion taking place either. I got up, (bravely and annoyed) to unplug the heater. I turned out the light, buried under the covers and prayed, or what ever you call it when you talk to spirits..
“I GET IT, you’re ready to go. If you stop being so scary… like seriously stop it with the light and the heater, I’ll talk to them tomorrow.”
That whole scenario was intense… but it makes me laugh now!
Begging my family to let her go was tragic. On one hand who was I to decide these things? And even worse, she’d been talking to me! I’m like “You guys she keeps telling me she wants out..” That’s not something people hear easily. My grandfather agreed from the very beginning she needed to go, but did not believe we could actually be chatting. And on the other hand, she really was the boss (applesauce). Even though the boss was not coherent she made sure to meet with me about being held up. “Let me Go!” I can still hear saying to me.
We finally did. She took her last breath and left quickly. My first time to have witnessed a passing, now a birth into the other realms.
I left the hospital room to pull the car up for Papa. She wasn’t done. Mimi, her essence, “flew” into my face bearing kisses and thank yous, it was so overwhelming I had to stop walking and laugh/cried in euphoria. Bizarre.. She didn’t thank me in the hospital she waited till I got outside.
She's finally free and to this day she still comes through.
Like when we (my now family) were looking at buying our house. Her voice, almost yelling at me, said “BUY IT.” I’m still figuring that one out. Why was she so adamant? I questioned her voice in my skepicism but then there was a rock in the front yard that read “Rejoice” (Mimi’s name is Joyce) and that wasn’t such a biggie for me but then her voice came through again.. so I took it as a validation. She was near and chatting.
Another time I held a spool of thread of hers in a meditation and said “Hello Mimi, I love you. If you’re around, let me know you love me too.” A text came though at that exact moment, from a nurturing motherly family member in South Carolina, my home state. the text read “I LOVE YOU.”
Just out of the blue.
So in my experience, I’ve had more interesting encounters with my Mimi as a spirit than as a human. We actually didn’t get along that great. It was a complicated matter, but I did love her and respect her dearly.. and still do.
This whole post was prompted by the following words by Rumi. It is comforting and contemplative. This is my prayer today for all that are struggling with loss.
The human side will struggle, but the spirit side knows.
Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation. -Rumi